Category Archives: Guest post

Spring Reads Guest Post – Matthew Redford

Now regular readers of my blog will be familiar with the hilarious world of Food Sapiens and our main carrot DI Wortel. Remember the case of the dead mince spy? For those of you who have no idea what I’m on about you can find out more here (Addicted to death by Matthew Redford – a reviewWho killed the Mince Spy BLOG TOUR – Guest post

Well as part of the Spring Reads 2017 I am delighted to welcome back Matthew Redford, author of Addicted to Death, which tops the list of funniest crime novel ever in my opinion. I was keen to find out more about the food sapiens. So I’ll hand you over to Matthew.

Thank you so much for letting me write a short piece for the readers of your blog. I have been asked to write on the subject of how I came up with my characters which I think is a really interesting question, because after all, how many Food Sapiens detectives do you really know about?

I’m sensing that I may have lost you there. Food Sapiens. Walking, talking, breathing food items who are integrated and part of our society. Still not with me? Check out the Genetically Modified Food Sapiens Act 1955 and you’ll find out that Food Sapiens were finally released from captivity after initially being held by Government scientists who discovered that genetically modified food items developed their own conscious. But once the Government realised they had above average intelligence and could set up business and of course, pay taxes, then their release was inevitable.

And over the years Food Sapiens have integrated fully into everyday life, so much so that they have blended in without anyone realising. And this is why I think it’s so interesting that I am often asked by people how I came up with my characters. The honest answer is that I didn’t create them, they actually exist, and I am writing about real life events. Now for anybody that has read ‘Addicted to Death’, or ‘Who Killed the Mince Spy?’ you might that hard to believe, but I guarantee that I speak the truth. In Addicted to Death, poor Benedict and Darcy Blacktail, two eggs very much in love, were brutally murdered by a hitman with a large metal spoon, (stop sniggAddicted to Deathering at the back, it’s no yolk), while a Christmas drama unfolded in Who Killed the Mince Spy? as an MI GasMark5 secret agent was deliberately over baked and charred. That was such a difficult case for the Food Related Crime Team as the death of the mince spy, while horrific, smelt so good.

So let me take a few moments to introduce you to some of the lead Food Sapiens characters:

Detective Inspector Willie Wortel – the Head of the Food Related Crime Team and the leading Food Sapiens detective of his generation, DI Willie Wortel, carrot, leads the fight against food crime. Renowned for his sharp mind, his bravery and courage, Wortel has tackled the psychopath Sammy the Shrimp, foiled the evil MadCow McBeef and managed to find work suits that somehow complement his tall, spiky green hair.

Oranges and Lemons – two fruit officers who work with DI Wortel. I would have said they support, help and assist Wortel but that would be a lie. Probably better to use words like torment, hinder, annoy…but, and this is just my opinion, I think he quite likes having them around really. One word of warning however. If you do bump into them and start chatting, please don’t ask them who borrowed five farthings because you might never get away.

MadCow McBeef – evil genius and nemesis of Wortel. Currently incarcerated at the Farmer Giles Mental Institution, but under close surveillance at all times. Avoid at all costs. Enough said.

USA President Rump Steak – a surprise election winner who some might say should be incarcerated alongside MadCow McBeef, but who nonetheless, is under close surveillance at all times. Avoid at all costs. Enough said.

Curly Kale Minogue – one of my favourite singers also happens to be a Food Sapiens icon. With her breakthrough song ‘I should be so leeky’ and the disco classic ‘Can’t get you out of my bread’ she is often top of the charts battling it out with Ham Smith and CornFed Sheeren.

Russell Toastie – now I need to be completely professional here when describing this actor. I need to make sure that I let you know I respect his acting ability and what I am about to say has nothing to do with his good looks and physique…hubba hubba hubba…

So that is a small insight into the world of Food Sapiens, who are not made up characters, but real life people who go about their daily business just like you and me. There are good Food sapiens and those who sometimes take a criminal turn. But we can rest assured for while we have Detective Inspector Willie Wortel, we can sleep safely tonight.

Thank you very much Matthew, I am very much looking forward to reading more about Food sapiens and finding out what DI Willie Wortel is up to.

 

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Who killed the Mince Spy BLOG TOUR – Guest post

Some of you may remember that a while ago I read a book called Addicted to Death by author Matthew Redford (Addicted to death by Matthew Redford – a review) This introduced us to the hilarious world of the food-sapiens, and the food related crime led by Detective Carrot Wortell. The first novel had me laughing out loud. Therefore I jumped at the chance to read a short story featuring the food-sapiens ‘Who killed the mince spy’. I am delighted that author Matthew Redford has provided a guest post for this spot on the blog tour.

who-killed-the-mince-spyDear A crime reader’s blog

Ok, so I need some help. No, not that kind of help, although I can understand why you leapt to that conclusion given that I write about food sapiens. You know what I mean when I say food sapiens don’t you? The walking, talking food items which live and breathe alongside homo sapiens. I can almost guarantee that you know a food sapiens celebrity but that you have just never made the connection.

Let’s take music. We all know the song ‘unforgettable’, well that was sung by the famous food sapiens Nat King Coleslaw. And more recently, we had Ham Smith singing the lead song to the Bond movie ‘Spectre’. And don’t forget celebrity TV presenters. Of course, there is Ant and Duck but don’t forget morning TV host Quiche Lorraine Kelly.

So now that you are on board with food sapiens, you won’t be surprised to know that the police have their own specialised food related crime team, which is led by Detective Inspector Willie Wortel, who also happens to be a carrot. Well, I have become the leading (and by leading I mean only) food sapiens crime author in the UK who has access to the Food Related Crime team.

They have a hugely busy workload and trying to prioritise which case is documented next is really challenging. So this is where I need some help. I’ve briefly outlined some of the cases which the Food Related Crime team have been involved with (more case titles on my website www.matthewredford.com) and it would help me greatly if the lovely people viewing A Crime Readers Blog could provide some much needed feedback about which case they would like to read about next.

Hot and crossed buns: Easter is approaching and the preparations for a long weekend are disrupted when 30 pieces of silver cutlery are stolen. And amidst the robbery lies the body of a hot and crossed bun, who has been murdered. While investigating, the Food Related Crime team also have to work out who has stolen the golden Easter egg.

The Codfather: The Food Related Crime team investigate some mysterious goings-on as food sapiens find themselves swimming with the fishes. There is no point carping on or red snapping about it, but with no obvious leads to find the killer, the team are caught between a rock and a hard plaice.

A cereal killer: Breakfast oats beware. Look out crunchy nuts (no, not those kind). Keep a look out cornflake, there is a cereal killer on the loose. Can the Food Related Crime team catch the killer before another breakfast cereal says cheerio?

Why did the artichoke? When a strange plumb of smoke fills the air causing an innocent artichoke to suffocate, could the Food Related Crime team be facing chemical weapons? Fearing a mustard gas attack can the villain of the piece be unmasked in time?

So there we have it, lots of stories to write, so little time, which is why I need your help. What story should be written up first? Answers on a postcard please?

Matthew Redford.

Thanks so much Matthew, personally my vote is for ‘A cereal killer’.If you fancy reading more about the food related crime team, this short story by Matthew Redford follows his deliciously irreverent debut Addicted To Death (Clink Street Publishing, 2015).

Purchase from Amazon UK – https://www.amazon.co.uk/Who-Killed-Mince-Spy-Investigation/dp/1911525158/ref=sr_1_cc_2?s=aps&ie=UTF8&qid=1478177564&sr=1-2-catcorr&keywords=matthew+redford

About Matthew Redford

Born in 1980, Matthew Redford grew up with his parents and elder brother on a council estate in Bermondsey, south-east London. He now lives in Longfield, Kent, takes masochistic pleasure in watching his favourite football team snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, is a keen chess player and is planning future food related crime novels. To counterbalance the quirkiness of his crime fiction Redford is an accountant. His unconventional debut crime thriller, Addicted to Death: A Food Related Crime Investigation was published by Clink Street Publishing last summer.

Website – http://www.matthewredford.com/

Twitter – https://twitter.com/matthew_redford

 

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